Self Conscious

I'm on the brink of tears
Letting my fears of unaccepted intimacy cry out
Believing in living with this facade of beauty
Stark images of disgust rain down my eyes
I am what he despised
Never feeling the same as before
As he held me and kissed me up against the door
Now it's routine and droll
Why can't I be his baby doll
Vulnerable to his desires of a new me
Thinking as if this is really not meant to be
I want it I crave it
But does he feel the same
Driving down this never ending lane
Vain in my thoughts and perception of what should be
So why isn't it
Why am I not the same as before
Is that what he fell in love with at first sight of my car door
Is he still in love even though I am not that anymore
Questioning my being as I've always done
I thought these feelings were gone
Just as he walked into my heart
I believed we would never part
Yet here I am with fear in the dark
All I would like is to be better than we were
To be one happy life forever more
If only he felt the same
I wouldn't sit here feeling insane
Please God make him see the light
That I am more than greatness
I am his life

Smolly

In a moment we had to part
Yet we feel you here
you are still not gone
for you will always be near
your home is in our hearts
relax it's going to be okay
you've conquered our world
now it's time to play
we will take on what life
you needed to offer
hold us in your memories dear brother
now it is time to open your wings
and take flight into the night
with God you sore above
Find within you peace and love
We may not see you now
But someday we'll meet again
See you later Buddy
Ride on until then

Wonderland

An adventure in the mysterious

White and Monochrome

A love, cutting edge and fun

Murders, challenging holes

Beautiful waterfalls

Scenic landscape

Alice and her zany friends

Icy winter

Nocturnal first time

Rumors have begun

Gaggle

Pick pocket red rocket find a shoe ocean blue sing a tune buy a balloon ring rain loopy brain hole mole street pole jack snack happy sack puppy paw stupid law green spleen pumping machine sand hand blind man sock jock flip flop mind sign wet sweat

Nightmare on Adams and Hauser

Gunshots heard blocks

                        Away

You duck with fear

            Of being

                        Hit

Slide beside

The first car in front of

            You

Run

Before they can spot

            You as their unknown enemy

                                    Color

Is all they see

Blood

            Dripping

                        Down

                                    Your

                                                Face

                                                                        Red

            You should have had blue blood

            Cold and heartless

                                    Just like them

Moments in Chemo

Tick, Tick, Tick...

It continues

That needle

Piercing my black and blue arms

I feel everything

The numbness in my leg

The tingle of every injection

 The blood drops that cry out from open wounds

Every heart beat makes a beep on the monitor

In me, its as if someone is pounding out

Whatever life i have left

More fluids leave this withered body

Just a few more treatments and I'll be free

Free from what?

I am shackled in this prison

No one can save me

I am done

Love and Paradise

Looking over the shining moonbeam

Staring into Fairy Paradise

Our star stricken souls become one under the light

The flowers dream

Tears of dew cascading down their faces

They hum a lullaby tune of serenity and love

The leaves spiraling around us

The breeze rippling our shadows cast upon the lake

 Here we discover our love within the darkness of the forest

For it is here, where we lost our sorrows

Where night hid behind day’s shadow

In the cloudy sky

They’ve left us the marital crowns

Built upon roses of deep maroon and gold
Passion gives way to our hearts beating as one

Blood flowing together like waterfalls of love

Silent is the world around us

Strange feelings come across us

We are now one together

Hidden in the woods 

Along the crashing waves of the sea below

I vow to hold you now as you are

As you will become

Forever as one

Blue Dream

I wish to be one with you

If only my lungs were gills

My arms rainbow scaled fins

Here I am home

Dockweiler, Ca.

Grains of salt tickle my nostrils

I breathe in and taste grit on my tongue

Frothy waves crash on the damp earth

Bringing life out of the sea and into the sand

In a never ending trip

The sun beating down on me

The heat sizzling my olive skin lobster red

My lips crack like the minerals beneath my toes

The thunderous roar of the waves sings to me

The aromas awaken my mind

The cool dank air filled with fumes

From the near by water treatment plant

The rotting seaweed and decomposing lives

Hints of death flow through the breeze

The distant aroma of life beneath the waves

In the horizon dolphins flash their bodies

In the sun as they dance out of the blue

Gulls gawk across the moist earth

Digging up little crabs and worms

As their treasure for the day

This is where two worlds collide

Earth greeting water every minute

In a tug-a-war like motion

Where human life interrupts that

Of the beauty beneath the water

Memory

Beep, Beep, Beep, SILENCE

Sirens screeching a block away

I look outside the window, tears running down my face

Chaos begins to loom

Nurses and doctors rush into the room

My mother runs in,

Tells us, he is no more

A lullaby for Isaac

As I watch you sleep for so long

I sing to you this precious song

Holding your tiny hands

I’ve given you all that I am

Standing here so blessed

So peacefully you rest

Believing you’re a part of me

Smiling at everything I see

I shall shelter you from harm

Holding wind to keep you warm

Sleep well my angel

May God keep you safe

Sleep well my angel

May He bestow upon you his faith

Seasons

Things suddenly slowly come to an end

Like the last puff of a candle’s flame

The room goes dark and all is gone

When the sun rises again

A change has occurred

And we are no longer the same

Sonnet

          Every night I wish upon a star

            That someday you will rescue me

            If only heaven weren’t so far

            Because then husband and wife we can be

            Each day that passes brings me closer to you

            Sadly, you were taken too sudden, too soon

            A young man He needed, your time to pay your dues

            When I look up into the sky, I know that’s your smile on the moon

            Farewell my dearest love, my one true friend

            Until it is my time, shall we meet again

            

What is the same is different

A Hand by Ashley Infante A heart is not four chambers and a pulse. Nor is it blood and veins, not a muscle or the bump bump you hear, not arteries, star of the body, meander of pathways. A heart is not the thick wall of feelings with infinite dramas, nor what it has felt, not on the muscle itself, not on the ecstatic being. Nor is the heart its meadows of holding, of shaping— not sponge of life, not silk's smoothness, not love. The devil's black heart does not allow man to love. What empties itself falls into the place that is open. A heart opened holds only a single, transparent question. Unanswerable, humming like bees, it rises, falls, flows. Original Poem: A Hand by Jane Hirshfield A hand is not four fingers and a thumb. Nor is it palm and knuckles, not ligaments or the fat's yellow pillow, not tendons, star of the wristbone, meander of veins. A hand is not the thick thatch of its lines with their infinite dramas, nor what it has written, not on the page, not on the ecstatic body. Nor is the hand its meadows of holding, of shaping— not sponge of rising yeast-bread, not rotor pin's smoothness, not ink. The maple's green hands do not cup the proliferant rain. What empties itself falls into the place that is open. A hand turned upward holds only a single, transparent question. Unanswerable, humming like bees, it rises, swarms, departs. See this post in context

Fay

There’s a ringing in my ear

More like a call of chimes

Dancing closely cheerful

Louder and louder they sing

Faster and faster they spin

Then suddenly, slowly

Silence befalls

Where did they go?

Who said? I say

Who said there are "rules" to follow?
Who said that you must confine to expectation?
Who said the grass is always greener on the other side?
Who said there is a right from wrong?
Who said we must be approved?
Who said looks are everything?
Who said money is what makes life?
Who said love isn't all it takes?
Who said?

I say break rules
I say fuck expectation
I say my grass is just fine the way it is
I say all my wrongs are usually right
I say approval is in the eye of the beholder
I say I am a canvas of many beautiful things
I say money ruins authenticity
I say love conquers all and makes us stronger
I say
What I say

imagine nation

am i arresting myself from my mind?
chaining myself to the routine
a barbed wire wall growing day by day
a facade of what i can grasp
falling through my thoughts like sand

i am not on repeat
when did my shuffle end
is it time i update my playlist
is it time to just play
lists are conforming
daily tasks of the do this
do that cuz if its not done
there is always tomorrow
but tomorrow is today

i am my today my tomorrow
my always
imagine nation
one soldier
me