Self Conscious

I'm on the brink of tears
Letting my fears of unaccepted intimacy cry out
Believing in living with this facade of beauty
Stark images of disgust rain down my eyes
I am what he despised
Never feeling the same as before
As he held me and kissed me up against the door
Now it's routine and droll
Why can't I be his baby doll
Vulnerable to his desires of a new me
Thinking as if this is really not meant to be
I want it I crave it
But does he feel the same
Driving down this never ending lane
Vain in my thoughts and perception of what should be
So why isn't it
Why am I not the same as before
Is that what he fell in love with at first sight of my car door
Is he still in love even though I am not that anymore
Questioning my being as I've always done
I thought these feelings were gone
Just as he walked into my heart
I believed we would never part
Yet here I am with fear in the dark
All I would like is to be better than we were
To be one happy life forever more
If only he felt the same
I wouldn't sit here feeling insane
Please God make him see the light
That I am more than greatness
I am his life